Jeremy's Quest

Closing it off...

2007-12-11T17:29:00.001-05:00

I've decided that instead of deleting all my posts for this blog I will just close it off. I'll leave it as it is, and keep it open to the public, I just won't write in it anymore. It was a chapter in my life that shouldn't be disbanded, but no longer needs to be continued. I will start a new blog for this next chapter in my life. Then someday when I'm 40 I'll take a look back at this blog and be all like "wow... that's who I was when I was 20."

The music I'm listening to right at this moment is Doc's Memories from the Field of Dreams soundtrack... and holy shit, just as I wrote that, the track changed to An Ocean of Memories from Titanic! How very fucking ironic! Two very appropriate pieces being played while my Windows Media Player is on shuffle.

Anywho, my new blog will be set up soon, hopefully, and I shall share with the world the stories that make up my life. And I'll do my best to keep it interesting..... Thanks!

And I'm back...

2007-12-10T23:06:00.000-05:00

That's right. I have my own place... with my own internet! I will be making changes to my blogger soon. First, I want to clean it up a bit. Give it a fresh start by deleting all my old posts. Then, I will fix up the look of my blogger. I still love Zelda, but I need something that more sums up my personality... Something like my MySpace page...

So those of none of you who still read my blog, be ready for my return!

Trying to get back...

2007-07-08T11:47:00.000-04:00

Watsup nobody? So I was riding around in the car with Beth today when I suddenly had this withdrawal from my blogger. It's been a while since I've posted on my blog and I'm just now realizing how much I miss it. After having moved back home I really haven't had the time to write in my blog. Not having my own Internet access also seems to have affected my lack of blogging.

I want to start blogging again. Even if no one ever sees it. I just love being online. I miss cyberland.

Where have I been?

2007-01-20T11:32:00.001-05:00

So it's been nearly 3 months since my last post, and for a while I kind of let go of Blogging altogether. Having a limited access to the Internet world and a full-time job and fiance makes it really hard to have any extra curriculars.

However, I am quickly learning my place in this world. Reality is settling in with ease and I am willing to face whatever challenges that come my way.

I've been experimenting delicately with different kinds of things I'd like to do with my life. I've been juggling with vocations such as becoming a youth minister for my church, making my dream a reality of being a recording artist, working as a video producer, training to deliver mail, being a writer, or just spend the rest of my life working in manufacturing. Each profession has its pros and cons, and each also has its realistic-ness and unrealistic-ness.

All I know is that happiness is a choice. It doesn't come to you, it isn't a material... It's a perspective, yet something imaginary. Kind of like the Prime Meridian. Who says the prime meridian has to be where it's marked?

All is well. I will right more later, but for now I am only wasting time.

Where have I been?

2007-01-20T11:32:00.000-05:00

Just an update...

2006-10-06T21:53:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been months.

I have matured a bit. And I never really thought I'd ever be the type, but I have invested my faith into Jesus Christ. No one told me to, nothing inspired me to... I just had a calling, I guess.

At first, I thought that it was just something that would come and go, like it normally does, but I decided to make it my duty to keep my faith.

I guess sometimes I feel like my life no longer has purpose. I work all day, have thousands of creative ideas, and by time I get home I am too physically and mentally exhausted to put my ideas into action.

But prayer is something I can always depend on. Although I used to think that being apart of an organized religion is superficial, I've come to realize that it doesn't matter how I have faith, but just that I have it.

I still have deep thoughts, but I try to keep roots with my religion. Tonight I had a thought about heaven and whether or not such a place actually exists. I figured that if heaven does really exist, I hope to never arrive. Sounds a little disappointing, but think about it: If when you die you go to heaven, what is left for your soul to discover? I mean, once you have reached the goal of entering heaven's gates, and you spend an eternity digesting a happiness so unbelievably huge, you'd eventually run bored of it.

I'm starting to think that heaven only exists as an idea. God has us all chasing after this Promised Land that isn't made of stone and clay...

Life is a mystery... And I hope that it always stays that way for me.

Things I Hate, Things I Like...

2006-07-23T00:42:00.000-04:00

I hate. . . being broke.
I hate. . . security tape on new CD's.
I hate. . . Waking up.

I like. . . sleeping in.
I like. . . coming home from work.
I like. . . writing stupid blogs in the middle of the night.

Dusting this old thing...

2006-07-03T18:00:00.000-04:00

Well, I'll be surprised if anyone reads this, but I have a little time so....

Much has happened in the past two months since I've written in this blog, yet so little. Working at the turkey plant is okay, but I will soon seek a better, higher-paying job at Crown. Hopefully I get it.

I haven't been online much because I have slow Internet access at home and I frankly just don't have time to go to the library everyday. Work, girlfriend and sleep is well enough to fill the full capacity of what is my current life.

So far, I have saved up only $1000 in my bank account from working. Not too bad, but the longer I savor my money, the harder it is not to spend it.

I bought Spencer's Casio keyboard for about $450. I want to sell it already though I don't even have it paid off for. Once I do, I will sell it to a music store hopefully, then I want to use the money to get a better keyboard I saw online: A Studio Logic 880. I heard it played on YouTube the other day and I love the sound of it. $600ish, but I have my keyboard to sell, along with a clarinet and an old flute and a Chinese-made violin that I will never learn to play.

Oh yeah, I finally got my first car for my 21st birthday. A 1998 Pontiac Grand Am... Pretty nice, excellent condition. Car insurance wasn't as bad as I expected either.

I can't say I'll miss college itself, but I sure will miss all my friends: Luke, Spencer, Alex and Tyler... Maybe I wasn't a big enough party animal. I'm not a big drinker like everyone else up at BG... Maybe the university could see that I was sort of an outsider. I mean, I could've tried to convince the university that I was depressed most of my time there. I mean, in retrospect, I can see that that was my main problem... Too bad I couldn't have seen it then. I did get some counseling, but maybe not enough.

Oh well, it was my lack of communication that failed me. Now I must do things the hard way. I go to work with a bunch of assholes everyday. People who will try to bring me down to their level once they find out that I'm not going back to school. I'll be muddled up with the blue collar population...

Maybe what Luke said is right: The best art will never be seen, read, or heard. I hope that my music gets me out of this place.............

Damnit... Goodbye...

2006-05-05T15:55:00.000-04:00

Well, goodbye blog. Probably won't be a while. Just like all my other blogs. I don't feel I am at such a big loss though. But I will miss some of it.

I wonder if it was the Internet that caused all my bad grades. The world was at my fingertips, but it didn't really get me out there. Sure I uploaded some of my original works and stuff like that.

But no one cared.

So I must go now. I'll most likely make another post in the far future... just out of the shear boredom of it.

I don't even know if I should YouTube. It was all fun and stuff, but considering time and the cost-benefit ratio, I just don't see how it will be worth all the hassle. Plus not have a fast Internet connection will hinder my up-to-dateness.

For those of you who are reading this, I will be back. But I feel that I must find another world to be a part of outside of this cyber arena. I doubt things are much better there, but it's time for a change.

Signing off....

Leaving school...

2006-05-05T13:03:00.000-04:00

Quote from note my roomie left me-----------------

Jeremy-

I probably won't see you again before you leave so, it's been fun. You were a great roommate. Hopefully I'll see you around next year. Peace.

-Tyler

-----------------------------------------------------

Though I've been having a fairly positive attitude about my forecoming of failing school, I must say I feel a little melancholy that I will be leaving such cool friends, though I rarely talked to them and there were only few. But it's still a bit hurtful.

It's weird. I feel okay sometimes, but then I start regretting shit, that disturbs me. I should have no regrets. I just didn't do my best to stay in school.

Sure it's easy to say: "Well, learn from mistakes and things will get better." Though that might be true, the waiting process kills. My head has been projecting the look on my parents' faces when they find out I'm failing. I want to tell them, but how do you do so without pissing them off?

And then that whole situation will be followed up with a long-ass lecture with Greg about how life is going to be shitty without a degree and it's going to be hard as hell to find a decent job and once I finally do find a job it'll be taken by someone half my age who just graduated college and I will be unemployeed.

It's all true though. Because that is the system we live a part of. If you don't have a degree, you might as well not exist. Welcome to real life.

Ask Jeremy!

2006-05-05T10:02:00.000-04:00

Learn some interesting things about me!

About ZenArcher...

2006-05-04T19:02:00.000-04:00

So for the past several days, I've been enlightening myself by watching the video blogs of a man who seems to have a great aspect on life.

He goes by the name of ZenArcher. He looks like a pretty ordinary person, but he entails extraordinary ponders through his blogs. If you don't watch his videos with an open mind and a free spirit, you might not get the message he is trying to share with the world.

But that's okay if you don't. He's not trying to preach to people. He is not forcing upon us any type of faith or religion... He just wants to appreciate the world as it is, untangling it's mysteries with his thoughts. He talks much about understanding the balance of things like good vs. evil.

Go see for yourself and read up about him... This guy is amazing!

Failure...

2006-05-04T08:42:00.000-04:00

Sorry about all the cursing...

I got shouted out at on YouTube!

2006-05-01T19:42:00.000-04:00

Check out my shoutout videos!

From Steve: (He's might come off as creepy, but he's cool. He's into Sci-fi and Southpark!)

From Nicktendo: (He forgets my name, but he did mention it on the video's page.)

Dumb Magic...

2006-05-01T11:08:00.000-04:00

Just a text blog...

2006-04-30T04:21:00.000-04:00

Hey guys. My roommate's in, so I just have to settle for a simple text blog right now.

First of all... Beth - I'm sorry I didn't call you! I didn't think I was going to be out as late as I was. I'll call you when you get off work tomorrow!

Tonight I hung out with Luke, as it is the LAST Saturday of the school year. It was a fun night. We first went to The Gamers Lounge and played Unreal Tournament on LAN gaming. (And yes, we both kicked everyone's ass! I had a few good head shots with my sniper rifle too!!!)

After gaming, we went downtown and were pleasantly surprised that Grounds was still open. So we chilled there for a bit. Then we headed over to Finders because I felt an instinctive urge to buy some music. I ended up buying two soundtracks... Both fantastic in every aspect! Check them out!

Also, Beth recently bought the new Goo Goo Dolls album, and she can't stop listening to it. I look very much foward to listening to it!

After Finders, Luke got his ass grabbed by some random girl on the street and we thought that was funny. We ate at Taco Bell... Sitting in his car in the parking lot, talking of how great life is while listening through the Lost in Translation CD. It was fun.

We got back and watched a funny Miyasaki creation called The Cat Returns and an episode of Farscape. I didn't get home till 3:30ish. But what a well night spent, eh?

I love you Beth! You're going to be up in about 10 minutes! I better get some rest!

Dedication...

2006-04-29T20:48:00.000-04:00

God forbid...

2006-04-29T08:22:00.000-04:00

Ideas Ideas...

2006-04-28T13:48:00.000-04:00

A New Definition (Recheck this one because there is a type-o in their myspace. I fixed the link!)
Check out the Promo I'm working on...

Why!

2006-04-27T22:23:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! Sorry - no more video blogging for tonight. However, I did trick up this video that I've been working on for a couple weeks now. It's probably one of my most serious videos yet. Hope you all find it worthwhile!

As for the rest of the night, I'll be watching TV while sucking down my Mug Rootbeer, waiting for Beth to give me a call (I don't want to interrupt her TV-watching, as the Goo Goo Dolls are going to be on Conan O'Brian tonight ;)

So here's my video "Why!"

Me... Being me....

2006-04-27T16:49:00.000-04:00

Happy 67-month Anniversary BETH!

2006-04-27T14:53:00.000-04:00

Boring Blog...

2006-04-26T12:15:00.000-04:00

Good morning blog!

2006-04-26T08:23:00.000-04:00

Talking movies...

Improv #1

2006-04-26T06:12:00.000-04:00

Good morning everyone! Here's a little keyboard improvising for you to start the day!

First video blog...

2006-04-26T03:27:00.000-04:00

Here's my first video blog. It's kinda long and boring, but hey, I'm just testing the waters.

Shadows in Water...

2006-04-25T21:05:00.000-04:00

Today I actually had my math homework finished before I woke up. I gotta get into the habit of doing homework like that.

I feel a little bit better today than what I felt yesterday. I think if I work my ass off these last two weeks, I might be able to pass school this year.

Damn... I really wanna start a video blog. I wonder if I should buy a cheap webcam somewhere. It's hard to find one cheaply that's compatible with Windows XP. My computer's been acting a little slow lately. I think I might have to clean out some of my hard drive space.

Nothing interesting really happened today. I have to clean my room. I'm feeling spunky. Maybe I'll go out for a walk later on.

Till next time....

Wack-a wack-a doo-doo yeah....

2006-04-24T18:12:00.000-04:00

I've come to the conclusion that I suck at playing hooky. This is the third consecutive time that I have skipped my IPC class in order to make my persuasive speech a charm, but I don't think I'll even get to perform because I don't have a doctor's slip to excuse my absences. This is pretty much how everything went:

Wednesday:
1. Didn't have my speech completed.
2. (11:30 pm) E-mailed instructor to tell him I was going to be absent because I was sick.
3. (1:30 pm) Received an e-mail reply saying that I can do my speech another day as long as I have a sick slip.
4. (1:33 pm) Fuck.
5. (2:00 pm) Beth called. I told her about my predicament. We laughed about it. I told her that I was either going to have to get sick quick or make a phony doctor's slip on the computer and forge it.

Thursday:
1. (1:00 pm) Went to health center to make appointment. They told me that I had to fill out a form and appointed me a 3:30 slot.
2. (1:20 pm) Didn't want to fill out that long-ass packet, so I decided to make up a phony doctor's slip.
3. (2:00 pm) Finished making a doctor's slip.
4. (2:00 pm- 2:30 pm) Practice my forging skills.

Well, that night Beth came up to visit me for the weekend. On and off I worked on the speech. I missed class on Friday, and apparently so did 90% of the rest of the class. So last night I worked on my outline a bit and tried adding some things to my powerpoint. I went to bed at 1:00.

I had a dream last night that I gave the presentation and it was a success. Of course, I woke up later than I had planned, but figured I still had time to make some finishing touches. So from 11:30 to 3:00 I finished the outline, but I ran out of time to make myself some notecards. Plus, I needed an excused absence for not only Wednesday, but Friday too. Because of this, I had to make moderations to my doctor slip, but then realized how fabricated it all looked, so I ended up deciding not to give the speech. I felt too unethical about playing hooky in order to get credit for a late speech... And ethics was one of the first things we talked about in IPC. I'm just a bad liar, and that's all it comes down to.

Monday:
1. Fuck.

So now I'm at the verge of giving up my grace period here at BG. I have this week and exam week to jump the hurdle. I have been praying with every ounce of faith I have in my mind, body and soul to be able to continue my education. Especially now that I know what I want to do with it.

Crummy...

2006-04-20T01:23:00.000-04:00

So I missed out on IPC and astronomy today because I wasn't feeling well. A mix of crazy bowel movements and congestedness in the nasal region. Yes, I'm pretty open about it.

But now I feel like I am slowly recovering. Of course, I feel shitty for dissing class today to lie around in a bed. I still have to make a trip to the health center, which I should've done earlier. But I need some sort of slip to assure my instructors that I was ill, as it is my ticket to receiving credit for delivering my speech in IPC.

I think I have lots of stress-related illness. I always get sick after undergoing a strike of distress. This whole speech-thing and just trying to focus on the other classes I'm taking that don't apply to my major are just mind-numbing... and I think my body responds to all of it with a wave of mild migraines and bizarre flu symptoms.

I feel so underacheived, yet so underappreciated. I gotta stop worrying about so much. Take things less seriously. I think my stepdad is really the one who I let lead me into this state of shame. He gave me a talk about my future and shit and I let all his words go straight to my head.

This calls for some relaxing James Horner music.

Insert catchy title here...

2006-04-18T11:33:00.000-04:00

Yeah... So I wake at about 10 till 10 this morning to a phone call from my brother Jesse. You see, we're trying to plan this trip to Colorado this summer (we = me, him, Beth, and Randy) and we've sort of been putting it off for the past month or so. Anyway, it turns out that recently a lot of the plane ticket prices jumped sky high around the area so a call to action has been made. Randy had found some tickets out of Chicago to Colorado to be around $90, so that's about$200 for a round trip ticket. The plan is to drive up to Chicago and then fly out to CO, party for a week, and then come back home.

Now the next problem is, I don't know if Beth and I will get to go because we plan to leave for Colorado the same weekend Beth's sister is getting surgery in Cleveland for her back and the family were all gonna go with her to be there for her and stuff. So I'll just have to call Beth later on about all that.

So I got up at my scheduled time to wake up today. I've been sleeping in a lot lately and I'm trying to break the habit. Soon enough I'll be working at the damn turkey plant and I'll have to be up at 5:00 every morning. I am so dreading that job, but I can't wait for the money to come in.

Anywho, I have a headache today (how typical) and I can't seem to find my aspirin. What a bitch.

FRIDAY!!!!!

2006-04-14T11:39:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm waiting for my ride to give me a call back. In the meantime, I will be doing laundry and learning how to play euchre with some guys in my hall. Should be fun.

Check out this hilarious trailer I found on YouTube (this is not an actual movie, it's just a spoof made by a guy with some intense editing skills... Damn I wish my computer was in better shape!)

Gamers Lounge Photos...

2006-04-14T04:23:00.000-04:00

I'm up late as can be... Mainly because I've been working on this....

Time to sleep finally!

Haircut pics...

2006-04-14T01:19:00.000-04:00

Before: (Holy shit! Is that my mom?!)

After:

Still looking a bit flamey, but once I get some contacts and wear less flamboyant clothes, I'll be high-stylin'!

Get a haircut...

2006-04-13T16:53:00.000-04:00

Today was just kinda blah despite how nice it is. I'm still just getting over my head cold, but hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow. Tonight I'd like to get my laundry done and perhaps even get a haircut. I'd like to grow it out for a change, but there's just too much to maintain when growing it out and I think short hair flatters my face more (it makes me look more like a badass rather than a high school pretty boy.) Plus, who wants to spend two hours trying to get your hair just right when all you need with a buzz cut is a little gel and your fingers?

Haha... I just set up an appointment for 6:00. I will post up before and after photos later on.

So other than being sick and sleeping, I haven't been doing too much. I'm currently working on two different videos simultaneously, and they're both roughly halfway finished, but they are taking a long time to finish. If I had a computer that wouldn't freeze up every 5 minutes I'm sure I'd have at least one of them finished by now. I really need to update my CPU. It's so fricking slow and if I had a faster computer I'd probably be recording music and making videos like their was no tomorrow.

You see, Microsoft has a way of screwing you over, just like any other computer company. Last year, for instance, I used Sonar 2.0 recording software and I made a good 9 recordings for my Inertia project. Well, when connected to the Internet, the computer requests to update automatically. So you do so because you don't want it to crash or anything, but what happened last year was my DirectX software was updated and could no longer execute old files (DirectX is software that ran Sonar 2.0 and some games I used to have on my PC.) So I could no longer use Sonar 2.0 to record and I had to find a newer version.

Well, Spencer hooked me up with Sonar 3.0, and my computer can actually execute it. However, it uses both a shitload of RAM and takes up a lot of my CPU when I run it. Same thing goes for Windows MovieMaker.

What's happening is that Microsoft keeps updating my computer so that it can run the latest software, just enough so that I know how to use. But once I try to actually get something done, it freezes up on me. This is Microsoft's way of saying: "We'll let you use this software, Jeremy, but your going to have to give us more money for new hardware in order to operate anything to make completed projects!"

Bill Gates -- I understand your one of the most powerful men in the computer and technology industry... But give me a fucking break, man!

Oh well....

GI Joe Dubs...

2006-04-12T07:53:00.000-04:00

Hahaha! Very random! Very phucking funny!

One more...

2006-04-11T01:44:00.000-04:00

This episode is freaking hilarious!

If I were a blonde...

2006-04-10T18:06:00.000-04:00

I'm one of those persons that like to buy things on impulse.
For example... About a month ago, Beth and I were at a Wal-Mart and I out-of-the-blue decided that I wanted to buy a skateboard.

I still suck at skateboarding...

Then today, I decided to "just look" at some video editing software at the bookstore. Well, I found Adobe Premiere Pro 1.5 for just $25. I had some money that my mom had sent in the mail ($50). I was kind of shocked by the price of the software. It sounded kind of cheap, as opposed to Photoshop and other software that ranged from $150-$400. I thought maybe there was a catch... I thought maybe the catch was that it was an older version of Adobe Premiere.

So I "checked" the system requirements, basically to see if I had enough RAM to run the software, which I do. And I bought it.

Of course... I didn't realize until AFTER I opened the package that it's an "upgrade" for Adobe Premiere 1.0 (which I don't have). Plus, I also noticed that myIntel Processor is 100 MHz to slow to actually run the program (an upgrade for this will cost me about another 100-200 junior bacon cheeseburgers.)

Suddenly, I felt that humiliating feeling that I felt when I rented a DVD when I was 13 because I thought my computer's CD-ROM could play it... Man, I was so computer illiterate...

I can't return the software and I'm glad I only spent $25 on it rather than $75. I will eventually get this software installed, but probably over the summer when I've got a faster processor installed and Adobe 1.0 (which I think my buddy Spencer can get me a copy of for free!)

I think I have learned a little something from this experience: The bark always grows on the outside of the tree.

This calls for a nostalgic commercial involving Ernest and Sprite....

Ugh...

2006-04-10T13:17:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling a little sick today. Just a sore throat, but I'll do. I have to make up a math test and turn in bursar money later on. Luke and I are trying to get single rooms right next to each other tonight and maybe get some of our other friends on the same floor if everyone can (people like Chad and whoever else we think of...) So far we're thinking maybe Harshman-Chapman on the 4th floor. It's gonna be sweet!

I have a lot of shit to do today, and my video I'm making is taking forever! I'm still only halfway through... And this second half has a lot to it that I have to make. I'm taking a break from it today in order to keep my ideas fresh.

So here's a dosage of YouTubeness for ya!

"Fixed" (aka "Coldplay is for bitches!")
It makes fun of Coldplay... But it's still hilarious!

Beavis & Butthead
"Blood Pressure"

Classic MV's...

2006-04-10T03:04:00.000-04:00

I've decided to make a fun post dedicated to a lot of classic music videos I use to love when MTV actually played music.... Here they are!

Nada Surf
"Popular"

Smashing Pumpkins
"Tonight Tonight"

Collective Soul
"The World I Know"

Ace of Base
"The Sign"

Goo Goo Dolls
"Iris"

I will do this again in the future....

Any given Sunday...

2006-04-09T18:15:00.000-04:00

So all weekend I've pretty much done nothing but work on my latest video project while watching the Back To The Future Trilogy over and over on one of the college movie networks. (It's kids and sibs weekend, so the university made sure to have relatively clean movies on.) I've never really watched the trilogy ever, so I did finally get to see the whole thing over the weekend. I also watched a bit of National Lampoon's Vacation and Indiana Jones, which were featured on the other university channels :-P

My project is roughly about halfway finished. It's taking quite some time because it's sort of a music video for a 4-1/2 minute song. It's also kind of a revolutionary work for me because I am teaching myself how to sync up animation with speaking (I made a smiley that sings the song... And this is the first time I've animated lip syncing). It's not as hard as I thought it would be, once you get the jist of it. I think if I had a more advanced program like Flash I could shit done a lot faster.

The second half of the video is going to be a bit more complex than the first half, so I'll keep working on it and try to get it online as soon as possible.

As for now, it's a nice day and I missed out on most of it, so I think I'm going to take a break from the computer in order to hang out with Luke.

Peace!

eoijalansdf....

2006-04-08T20:27:00.000-04:00

Ever have those days where you just don't get done the things you had planned to do...

Well, that's how my weekend has been going so far. Last night, I was suppose to hang out with Luke and watch Narnia at the Union. Well, that just didn't happen. Instead, I got stuck on the computer and made another video and just watched TV.

Then today we were suppose to watch a couple movies that we rented last week and are due back today, but it just never happened either. I spend the majority of the day sleeping. And being downright lazy. My apologies, bud...

Anywho, it's already getting dark out and the sky is clear as crystal... It sucks that there isn't any skywatch today for my astronomy credit.

I think I need to get some fresh air. This dorm room is closing in on me.....

Damn...

2006-04-08T01:22:00.000-04:00

I didn't get done what I wanted to do tonight. I was s'pose to chill with Luke again, but my computer had me in a trance and before I know it, it's 1:00 AM.

I worked on a new video today. I figured I have a lot of making up to do for my Global Warming video, and I got quite the lecture from the girlfriend last night about it. (Hey - I told her not to watch it ;-) LOL. Anyways, I promised Beth I would make videos that were less violent and more cutesy.

So without any further adieu (or however you spell it...)

Thought's On The Universe

New logo...

2006-04-07T16:36:00.000-04:00

Hey peeps. I made a new "logo" for my WTF?! Productions. I think I will put a logo like this one at the beginning of all the bullshit videos I make. I'll try to make several logos with different endings...hehe...

Logo #1

Thirzday...

2006-04-06T23:52:00.000-04:00

Well, today was okay. Of course, I slept through my math test. I don't know how I managed to do that considering that the test was at 4:00 in the afternoon. My sleeping has been so irregular lately. But my teacher e-mailed me, so maybe she'll give me a make-up quiz or something....

Anywho, I did have a pretty good day today. The weather was at least nice and still is at this midnight hour. Hung out with Luke: we did some creative collaboration at Grounds for Thought and watched Lost in Translation cause it's an awesome movie. We also played a bit of ping pong, which we are both becoming rather skillfull.

Now, I'm just chillin' out, enjoying life. I'm hoping that my grades are swell this semester. I need to just stick it out another month, then get started with the real deal next year. Summer will take forever, but I'll spend quality time with Beth and my grandma and cutting up turkey breasts. I need to invest in a car and a digital video camera... that'll cost me a pretty penny....

Troozer Schnoz!

Holy Hump Day!!!!

2006-04-05T16:39:00.000-04:00

[[[[[[[EDIT]]]]]]]]

For reasons of good form, I decided to remove my recent video titled "global warming" from the Internet. I just don't want people to get the wrong idea about me. I am not a neo-nazi and I don't worship the devil. LOL! I will keep the video in my own, underground archives, but it's nothing that should be placed on a pedastal of pride... especially in the hands of people who are sensitive to the images shown within the piece.

So, in future broadcasts, I will try to keep my videos meaningful and clean... Well, maybe a little dirty, but nothing as morbid and grucifying as "Global Warming."

You also have to realize that I made the video after having no sleep last night... so a little insanity might've erupted in my imagination to make such a dreadful theme..............

Toosday...

2006-04-04T15:07:00.000-04:00

Ugh....

Just woke up. I have to make a change real soon... a big change. I can't keep doing this stay-up-late, wake-up-late kind of lifestyle. I have to eat less junk, work out more often, and start being awake when the rest of the world is. Going to bed early is a bitch. But I better get in that habit.

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with an advisor from the VC Tech department. I looked into some stuff yesterday abouthow the whole co-op thing works. Turns out that next fall I will probably take some regular courses, then next spring I will do my first co-op. Then maybe next summer I'll take some more courses up here at BG. And I'll keep alternating like that until I graduate. I'm going to be a very busy man, and it's going to take a lot of responsibilities. I have to rework my resume, write a cover letter, and perhaps make up a portfolio. With what, I don't know, but maybe I work with something over the summer... Like doing some mock commercials and such to show off my video editing skills.

I'm a little nervous about all this, but at the same time, I think if I read the co-op manual and talk to a lot of people in the faculty, I'll be okay. I'm really very excited about everything. It seems that my job won't be as irregular as I thought it might be, as I will be working 40 hours a week during each co-op semester, which means I might have enough money to afford my own apartment by time I'm done with next year so Beth and I can live up at BG until I'm done with college.

Of course, other than buying a ton of editing software and perhaps a video camera, I'm gonna need a car. Hope I can manage all that!!!

Munday...

2006-04-03T17:58:00.000-04:00

I had a dream this morning about my dead grandpa. He was alive again, and my family was gathered all together at a typical holiday party at my grandparent's old house (which used to be a schoolhouse near the small town of Maria Stein, Ohio.) I did not want to wake up from the dream. But then it came down to having to force myself to get up to go to class. I was a little late today, but it was worth the extra time with my grandpa, had it been only even a mental projection of him....

(If you wish to read the following section, you can... but it's just a lot of ramblings, so I guess you could skip down to the next section if you don't feel like wasting time...)

[Anyways, today in IPC we basically just brainstormed ideas for our final speech topics for a persuasive speech. Well first we eliminated any kind of speech topics we didn't want to hear about, so this cancelled out all those overrated topics like abortion, drinking age and capital punishment.

Then we did an activity as a class where we had to divide a piece of paper into four sections, each with a different purpose: Personal beliefs, social beliefs, emotions, and values. For each category, our instructor had us write down answers to questions related to those categories. Well, this activity just made me realize that I have no specific personal or social beliefs. I am also blind of the things that cause my emotions, and my values revolve around music, movies, and video games.

This activity kind of scared me. I mean, I never really thought about it before, but I really don't have a really cool personality. We had to answer a question about what really ticks us off, and I had no idea how to answer that. Then we had to answer what we do to make us happy, and the only things I could come up with that was writing, playing piano and having sex.

I think I'm starting to lack substance again. I heard from someone I look up to that balance is the key to success. You have to spend a little time doing a mix of things you like doing and hate doing. Mark Twain also once advised that you do at least one thing you don't want to do every day, that way it won't be so painful to do out duties.

I think a lot of the knowledge I have retained over the past 20 years of my life originated from movies and the Internet. And of course school. Sometimes I feel like maybe I wasted too much of my time holding myself back from making mistakes or taking risks. I use to think that I was more mature than many of my peers, and in many ways I am. But I feel like I lack something that a lot of other people my age have.

And maybe I lack in that something as a result of my rapid maturity. That's probably why lately I've been trying to slow my mature-rate down by acting obnoxious and retarded sometimes.]

Damn I write a lot of bullshit.

Anywho... yesterday I worked my butt off with Spencer and Alex, painting their gamers lounge. It was fun, but I am so damn quiet sometimes. Those guys can just talk and talk and I feel like that I don't really venture enough in this world to have a talk about many things.

I wish I could be more talkative. Not loquacious, but just enough to have an interesting conversation. I think if I could have a good conversation with people, it wouldn't be so hard for me to establish some more friendships.

Of course, I think a lot of what I have to say will only make people think that I am out there. I'm too random and abstract that people would just be like: "WTF?" That's why most of my jokes tend to be dry. I have this scenario constantly going on in my head and when I think of something funny to say, people just can't relate to it, thus, can't understand why what I said was funny.

However, when you're that guy who just doesn't talk in a social situation, people are just weirded out by you altogether. I think the reason why I'm so quiet is because of a quote Abe Lincoln coined: "Better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."

Well, Abe, sometimes it just might be beneficial to be a little foolish....

Long, long night...

2006-04-02T06:20:00.000-04:00

Wow... I had an interesting day today.

I wake up at 2. Beth gives me a call to get online and help her decide on getting some Def Leppard and Journey Tour tickets. Can't wait to see them in July at the Riverbend! Then I found out that my old buddies Spencer and Alex started up a business... a REAL business. It's a gamer's lounge where kids will get to order beverages and play RPG's, LAN games, and DDR. They have a website and even rented out a store for the whole thing! I was amazed! Here's the link! In the future, I will have a button for my links list made for the lounge! It opens on April 28....REALLY looking foward to it!

Then I decided to finally clean my room and do some laundry in celebration of finding a new major (I'm weird like that...) After that, I gave Luke a call and we got together and made a visit to Bob Evans. Well, ironically, as we were eating, Spencer and Alex walk in with their friend John. So I went up to say hi real quick because I haven't talked to them in about a month and I thought I'd congratulate them on starting their business. They asked me if I wanted to help them paint their walls tonight, so I agreed, though I felt a little reluctant about it because I had already had plans with Luke. But I also figured that I have sort of deserted Spence and Alex for the past month, so I figured it'd be a good way to catch up with each other.

Well, Luke and I then finished our meal and we decided to go get some movies that we could watch sometime over the next week, so we hit up Blockbuster and got Pulp Fiction and Grave of the Fireflies, which is another Miyasaki film. Then we decided to browse BG for a nice coffee chop we could chill at on a regular basis to discuss project ideas, hang out, or just have our dorky, awesome-ass random deep conversations of the universe and why things would be cooler if we ran it. Well, we both have heard of a coffee shop/library called Grounds For Thought, though we have never really been there, but I had an idea of where it was and we did make it. It was actually a really decent place to just chill and talk. So we'll probably be making more trips there in the future.

After that I went home, changed clothes and headed to the lounge. Well, it turns out that they had some painting done, but there was an "office" in the middle of the main room built out of lumber and dry wall that we had to tear down before going any further with the painting. So having only enough tools for two men to do that job, Alex and I decided to make a trip to Howard's to see a couple bands play. There wasn't anyone too great tonight. It was a cover-themed night, and the first band we saw covered U2 and the second band played a couple Marvin Gaye songs, then we left to go back to the lounge.

Well the office was still halfway up, so I decided to take some pics. We didn't do anything to heavy on painting yet because we had to clean up a lot of dry wall and work on remove a wall mirror and shelf. It was a fun night though. I'll post up pics as soon as I get the okay from Alex and Spencer....

Finally at about 3:30 (technically 4:30), we called it quits. Alex went back home to Spencers while John, Spencer and I made a trip to Big Boy. We got some food, swapped some good-times stories, and then made our ways back home. I think I might help them out some more tomorrow, but I will also be sure to hang out with Luke, as we have some movie-watching and ping-ponging to do!

Totally fucking sweet!

2006-03-31T11:49:00.000-05:00

Here's a random flashback: A while back, time and again, I would be walking to class or whatever and would come across a guy with no legs in a wheelchair, leaving the Saddlemire building. He was always well-dressed and carried around a binder. Now it can't be avoided... people either look at the site of him or they turn their heads, trying to make it look as if they didn't see him in the first place. Now, I don't want to sound obtuse, but I would look at him for a couple seconds, look away and just appreciate the legs I have because I'm sure that that guy just wants people to not take things for granted. So carpe diem and whatnot.

So, anyways, today I had an appointment at the university career center to get some help deciding a new major for myself. The lady at the desk told me that my advisor, Tom, was going to be a few minutes late, so I hung out for a couple minutes, not really knowing what to expect from the meeting or what they expected of me. I wondered what kind of person Tom would be, whether he'd be a tall, stern look-of-death kind of guy or the hopeful, light-hearted noble kind of a guy that's very easy to talk to. Oh, I so prayed for the latter.

Well, a few minutes passed by, and in comes that same guy I was talking about earlier, wheeling himself right to me for an introduction. He had a firm handshake and apologized for keeping me waiting. Nicest guy in the world. Thank God!

Tom has a gift. I don't know how he read me today, but it was like he was a mindreader or something. He broke things down for me so that I understood what it is I love doing. We talked about why I dropped my education major and why I took it in the first place, ultimately discovering that teaching really isn't for me. It's not that I wouldn't be a good teacher, it's just that I wouldn't be a happy teacher.

He asked me some personal things, like what I do for fun. I told him that I enjoy playing piano. Well, we talked about it for a while and it came down to the fact that I am not cut out to be a professional musician. I mean, I should do what Beth has been telling me to do after all (and what I've told myself several times in the past): Music will always be a fun pasttime for me, but I shouldn't spoil the fun-ness of it by turning it into work.

So we eliminated the music thing. Then Tom asked me about some of my other hobbies. I told him I really like editing videos and adding music to them just for fun. Then he brought up a major to me that sort of stuck out in my mind: Visual Communications Technology. VCT is basically a program that I can get involved in doing something I really enjoy: editing videos, whether it be for the sake of expression, art, or even commercialism. Plus, I could entwine my musical abilities into it if I really wanted to, PLUS, through VCT, I could be a storyteller that I've been wanting to become for so long!

I still have a little bit of research to do before I declare VCT as my major, but I feel like I have lots of potential for it. I am really excited to learn about what it's all about.

There is a downside, however. If I should declare VCT as my major, I will definately be serving a 5th year of college in order to get my degree. However, I am willing to take up the challenge. I have to right an old wrong, as they say.

The upsides:

1: I get to do what I enjoy doing.
2: Their aren't many "classroom-oriented" courses, as most of the VCT program is accomplished through co-op, which means I would be spending most of my out-of-classroom time doing real-time work, gaining real-work experience, and making a bit of real-work money ;)
3. I get to do what I enjoy doing!!!

So, this whole get-up got me up good! I can't wait!!!!!!

Super-duper-ultimate-extreme ping pong...

2006-03-30T00:23:00.000-05:00

Well, Darrow had its first fire drill tonight, so I made my way over to the HCD lobby to play piano for a couple hours. Serendipity set in and I met up with my right-hand man Luke and we hit up Destinations for junk food. We talked a bit and I once again felt alive outside of my room. It's nice to get back on the social track (but I still love my cool video games!)

We shot some pool with crappy equipment, then played ping pong. Not just ordinary ping pong though... But also fat-people ping pong - where we play while sitting in chairs - and extreme ping pong - which we just made up ourselves. We find a whole bunch of different ways to hit the ball off of random objects in the room and give them great epithetical names like "The clergyman" and "The ejaculator." It was crazy and hilarious and fun all in one bundle!

Now we're chilling at the HCD computer lab cause Luke's roomie's asleep. 'Tis a fun evening though... Check out this hilarious vid I just found on YouTube! This kid is crazy! (And I haven't even heard it yet because I don't have headphones, but the video alone was enough to get me to die-hard laugh!)

What happened today? I missed it....

2006-03-29T17:55:00.000-05:00

Wow, I am such an over-sleeper. I woke up at 4:00, missed both my classes. I feel like I'm becoming so careless lately. I mean, I think at least 60% of the reason why I've been acting like this so much lately is because of all my new cool classic video games, but still... I gotta wake up and pay attention.

But damn, those games are addictive. I played Bust-a-Move for quite some time and I even started getting into Lemmings, which is just awesome. But there is more to my life than these games, and I have to wake up and pay attention.

It kind of sucks though... I don't know what I want to get out of college anymore. I kind of regret going in the first place sometimes. I mean, I guess maybe I had greater expectations. I thought things would just flow for me... But I've done nothing but float about.

I feel like a lazy duck on the surface of the ocean. Though waves all around me move me up and down, I'm getting nowhere because I am not kicking my feet. But I feel so far out into the middle of the ocean that I don't see the point in swimming.

Okay, I have to stop being so metaphorical.

Ugh....

Sweetness...

2006-03-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

This is awesome! Last night I downloaded some game emulators on my PC. Nintendo, SNES, and Sega Genesis! Haha! I now have some of my favorite childhood games right on my hard drive to play whenever I want! (Except Zelda and Mario games... which are harder to find for free...) I even have Bust-a-Move! Yessssssss!

Okay, gotta bolt!

Weekend closure...

2006-03-26T23:05:00.000-05:00

Well, Beth went home and I just got done playing piano for a couple hours. I missed out on Harry Potter with some friends tonight, but I'm sure they'll understand.

So I haven't really been on the computer in a while and I'm kind of glad about that. The Internet is fun, but it makes me weak! haha!

I think I actually have a lot to say right now, but I'm just not in the mood to type shit. I think I warped my mind out playing piano just a bit ago, so I think I will get some grub from the Shadows and play some Nintendo 64! Hell's yeah!

The Story of Us...

2006-03-24T00:59:00.000-05:00

Well, Beth and I are having a great time so far. She's sound asleep right now, so I thought I'd write up a quick entry.

I'd really like to talk about a movie we borrowed from the front desk. Well, I wanted to rent Saw, but someone had already taken that one out. So we got a movie I remember Beth saying that she wanted to see a long time ago called The Story of Us, starring Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfieffer. My first impression of the movie is that it was just another cutesy-wootsy chick flick with a catchy storyline and whatnot. However, after watching the enitre movie, I can't express how utterly amazing it was! One of the best things about it (among many other good things) was one of the character's philosophy that everything in life is simply an illusion.

Think about it: when I bend over in front of you and tell you to take a look and tell me what you see, you'd first of all be a little freaked out about me doing this. But once I insisted that you tell me what you see, you would say you see my ass.

However, you only think you see my ass. In all actuality, you are really only seeing layers of skin, body fat, and muscle tissue that make up the tops of my legs that just happen to be butted together (hence the word "butt")! Fucking brilliant concept!

I suggest that if you haven't yet seen this movie that you do so. It's not only a chick flick, but a good chick flick. (And yeah, I'll admit to getting a little teary-eyed at the end... But hey, I'm proud to be a person capable of a wide range of emotions... So ha!)

Alright, I'm gonna spend some more time with my ever-so-gorgeous Sleeping Beauty now. Catcha later!

Open Mic Night...

2006-03-23T13:51:00.000-05:00

So last night actually turned out to be fun! I finally got some of my originals heard and just hung out with a lot of cool people! Here're some pics (and not very good ones)...

Just me...

I didn't get their names, but these girls were pretty good!

Hey Rikki! LOL! The BEST RA ever!

Max... This guy had some really funny originals! It was great!

John (sp?).... This dude was amazing! He's only been playing for 2 years and his style is fantastic!

I didn't get her name either, but she was awesome! She brought in her bagpipes and played "Scotland, the Brave" (and sang it too!) The audience loved it!

Sorry, no pics of me performing (which is probably a good thing! I bet I look really weird when I sing!) And I'm also sorry that the quality is so crappy. I need a new cam someday.

Well, I have to get a shower in and clean my room before Beth gets here! Happy Thursday people!

Blog-hogging...

2006-03-22T20:06:00.000-05:00

I'm being a blog-whore today, but I thought I'd mention that I have impromptively asked to provide keyboard services to an open mic night that my RA is hosting tonight down in the lobby.

Now I am not trying to be hesitative about it, but I really think my keyboard should have nothing to do with live performance. Sure, it's gotten me pretty far in my recording experience, but I just don't think other people will enjoy playing my keyboard more than they would playing an actual piano.

The mic night starts at 9:30, but I think between now and then, I am going to see if Rikki and I can get someone in the Arts Village to let us use their acoustic upright piano. (Though I kind of doubt they'd allow us to, but it never hurts to ask...)

So anyways, I think I have prepared a couple songs to sing tonight. "The Scientist" by Coldplay and maybe a few originals that I've worked on a while back (and of course, some Nintendo jams.)

I just hope we can get a real piano instead my toy....

Alex Merced's Super Happy Fun Band....

2006-03-22T18:55:00.000-05:00

Haha! I just came across an old myspace account of a "band" that I had last semester with my former roommate Alex Merced and my current roommate Tyler Jones! Alex Merced's Super Happy Fun Band!

Basically, one night we were all chilling at Alex's room and we picked up some cheap keyboards, his guitar, a couple egg shakers, and a plastic bottle and just started wailing on them like a clan of underwater sea monsters trapped in a box in the middle of the Sahara Desert! It was a fun night... And we weren't even drunk! Haha! Check it out and add us as your friend! ('Cause true friends are Myspace friends!)

Happy hump day...

2006-03-22T14:16:00.000-05:00

Wednesday... is the middle of the week!

Hey people! So last night I watched through The Last Man on Earth. It was pretty badass. Of course, I know I said I'd watch the entire thing without sound, but I couldn't resist turning up the volume in some parts. (Though it wasn't hard at all to follow with no sound on...)

Vincent Price is fantastic. His voice is creepy. I'm surprised they made him a protagonist! But, just for fun, last night I made a Rob Zombie-ish type jam using two samples from the movie. Please head over to my Purevolume page and give a listen! It's short and repetitive, but just fun to jam to if you like those Zombie mixes you hear on his Hellbilly Deluxe CD!

So over spring break I took upon myself to get Beth a new promise ring because her old one fell apart. It turns our she found a pic of the exact ring online last night (she doesn't have it right now because it is getting re-sized.)

So, for all of you who are curious, this is what it looks like:

Well, I gotta get ready for class here in a bit, so catch ya'll later!

New Project...

2006-03-21T20:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I've decided to do something quite challenging with all my free time (or at least when I get free time.) I am going to do some movie scoring for films that have already been made.

I know it sounds weird, but I think it'd be nice training to see if film composing is really what I'd be good at doing. Of course, the movies I am re-scoring are vinatge films. The first one I plan to work on is Calendar Girl. It's an old romance musical about a songwriter who finds out that his girlfriend is going to be an artist's model.

The other movie I plan to re-score is a horror film called The Last Man On Earth, starring the one-and-only, Vincent Price (the guy who played the inventor in Edward Scissorhands... Fantastic actor... at least, he was...) It's pretty self-explanatory about what that movie's about.

It'll take me forever to write music for these features... I have to watch them, first of all. And I've never seen them before. I am going to watch them without any sound. That way, when I score them, I can compare what I've done to the original music (I'm sure there will be HUGE differences, considering my style and time period, but I just think it'd be interesting to do things this way...)

Yeah, so I have weird hobbies... As for now, I'm going down to the lobby to study.

Whoops...

2006-03-21T14:24:00.000-05:00

Well, I slept in a bit today. I'm trying to wake up before or at 9:00 from now on, but it's really hard to get into that habit sometimes (especially when there's a cool show on the Travel channel about the world's newest and best rollercoasters... I love those shows.)

But it's a good thing my class doesn't start till 4:00 today. Haha.

I'm still in a pretty good mood. It feels nice to be out of a headache. Of course, my room's a little messy and I have a shitload of laundry, but it'll all get done.

I was looking at Facebook of all the people who I use to go to school with at St. Henry. It's amazing how much some people have changed! It makes me very nostaligic....

Just more words...

2006-03-20T19:33:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back from the meditation workshop. It was actually kind of nice. It was fun walking through campus with my pillow. Haha.

Seriously though, being the only male at the workshop made me feel very much like a feminist. But you know what, I didn't feel any shame at all. In fact, I felt privileged. I got to take a half-hour power nap. I learned some techniques in keeping balance in everyday life and stress at a minimum. And I got to try lots of lotion products! I think Beth would love some of the stuff I tried (haha! Just what she needs... more lotions!)

So anyways, as my evening comes closer to conclusion, I can say I had a good day. Of course, I do have one complaint: It's the first day of spring and fucking coldddddd!!!!! Grrrr!

But hey, it was worth the good day I've had. I think I will be getting more involved with campus activities. It gets me out more and I feel a bigger sense of accomplishment in doing such things. As for now, I'm out.

Good day, good day...

2006-03-20T17:06:00.000-05:00

Today has gone great. Got some good counseling. Got my speech done (and did fairly well at that... Just a few minor things.) And I don't have astronomy. So I'm just chilling and taking things easy. I think only like 5 other people are doing that mediation workshop thing tonight, but it should still be fun. And useful.

Now before I jinx it, today sucked... haha!

And Beth comes up on Thursday! YAY! She can watch my speech video with me and laugh at how dumb I look! LOL!

Ttyl peeps!

Tell me why...

2006-03-20T12:10:00.000-05:00

I don't like Mondays. But today is off to a good start so far.

I still had my headache this morning, but I went to the store at 7:00 and got me some Excedrin. That made me feel tons better. Then I ate breakfast and hung out a bit at the Union. I signed up for a how-to workshop on relaxing and meditating for tonight. That should be interesting.

Counseling was good. Mainly they just had me confess all my issues so they could figure out where to place me. So next week Monday I'll be going to a stress management clinic and soon they will get me an official counselor who will get more into therapy. I'm excited. It's nice to get help from some professionals.

I also made a new, cheesy song based on my former roomie, Alex Merced. It's just a quirky song I made for him to strut around town to. Haha! You can check it out at my purevolume site.

I shaved my goatee today. I hate doing that, but the hairs were hurting my headache (I know it sounds weird, but sometimes prickly chin hair can be a bother...)

Now I have to prepare myself for a speech about landing on the moon. I shoulda done another topic... Something I'd actually have to do research for. I have too much previous knowledge on the Apollo missions due to my nerdiness. But I'll find some sources to back me up.

Just ramblings...

2006-03-19T21:22:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here, freshly showered, watching Forest Gump while I stare into a field of junk food and game cartridges scattered across my floor. I've spent the entire day trying to get rid of my headache. I have no medicine, so the best method I have to remedy my headache was to distract myself from it.

I played frisbee with a couple guys who live on my floor earlier. My RA Rikki asked me if I wanted to play, so I did. I didn't have anything better to do... Well, other than work on my speech. So I learned a few new techniques on throwing a disc and just had a good time for a little bit.

After that, I just came back to my room and watched Big and some television.

And now here I am, writing meaningless words on webspace that only few people read. And who really wants to read stuff about me? I should talk about something more interesting like politics or theoretical physics.

I'm trying to figure myself out. I've noticed recently that I have no leadership skills whatsoever. I wonder if I ever will. I mean, in hindsight, I've never taken lead in anything in my life. I always just let other people run me over. I'm too nice sometimes. And it's folks like me who usually end up working for the Man. That sucks. I wonder if I can ask my counselor for some leadership skills advice.

And I need to start being more aggressive. I usually don't let a lot of things bother me because I don't want to get involved in conflicts and unnecessary drama. I don't want to turn out to be a dickhead either. But I certainly don't want to work for the Man.

Man, I have issues....

Sunday headache...

2006-03-19T13:03:00.000-05:00

Woke up with a headache today. Maybe I drink too much root beer.

Holy shit! I just saw a funny-ass commercial! I hope I can find it on YouTube!
...(looks for commercial on youtube)....
Damn! Not on there. Must be a brand new commercial. Oh well.

AMC is a great movie channel. I've been watching it since last night, through my sleep and everything. Office Space is on next, and Big is on at 5:45 and 8:00.

But I need a shower and body fuel now.

Personality Test...

2006-03-19T03:45:00.000-05:00

Pretty accurate for the most part. Few flaws.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		20%
Stability		33%
Orderliness		23%
Accommodation		56%
Interdependence		43%
Intellectual		63%
Mystical		70%
Artistic		90%
Religious		36%
Hedonism		16%
Materialism		63%
Narcissism		23%
Adventurousness		63%
Work ethic		10%
Self absorbed		30%
Conflict seeking		23%
Need to dominate		30%

Romantic		76%
Avoidant		30%
Anti-authority		83%
Wealth		10%
Dependency		50%
Change averse		50%
Cautiousness		56%
Individuality		76%
Sexuality		90%
Peter pan complex		90%
Physical security		56%
Physical Fitness		64%
Histrionic		30%
Paranoia		43%
Vanity		70%
Hypersensitivity		56%
Female cliche		43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I got this from a friend's site...

2006-03-18T23:26:00.000-05:00

I'm a radical for homosexual rights. Even though I'm straight, I grew up with a gay brother and a gay friend. This is hilarious...

Gay Marriage 10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage would be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

(one of the saddest parts about our society is that, these arguments, before the humorous common sense, are the real reasons why people can't accept gay marriages.)

Relationships...

2006-03-18T21:31:00.000-05:00

"We all got 'em.
We all want 'em.
What do ya do with 'em?

She said you gotta do your fair share
Now cough up half the rent
I treat my body like a temple
You treat yours like a tent
But the right word at the right time
May get me a little hug
That's the difference between lightning
And a harmless lightnin' bug"

Damnit Jimmy Buffet... you nail that one on the head....

Relax...

2006-03-18T18:15:00.000-05:00

I got some food and a shower in. I also looked around online at some keyboards and more importantly, synth stacks. I found a pretty decent keyboard and stack used by a small film composer named Chris George . Check out his paraphenalia:

His keys...

This is priced at about $500, but I found a used one on sale at Amazon.com for $350....

His stack...

This tiny box contains all those wonderful, realistic orchestral voices (with an expansion board.) The stack alone is about $250. The orchestral expansion board he uses is an extra $100. But man, it so seems worth the price... Listen to what he does with it!

Drama demo
Composed by Chris George

I kind of just feel like relaxing tonight. I need to conserve some energy. I might write again later....

Finding purpose...

2006-03-18T16:00:00.000-05:00

Everyday, I don't do shit.

I feel so underaccomplished right now that I don't even know where to start. In high school, I always thought I had myself figured out. I thought that once I got into college, I would be able to be my true self openly. People in high school didn't understand me. Well, most of them probably could understand me, but they just never tried.

But I was alright with that. I knew that once I got out of Coldwater, I would find a place that I fit in. I would just hang out with a bunch of creative people like I thought I was and we would just work on a whole bunch of stuff together and have good times.

For the past two years, I don't think things really turned out like that. It always seems like it might come close, but I think I sort of let myself go with the whole idea. I got distracted by having to decided upon a list of majors and I had to give myself a new definition for being here. It sucked. If only I'd get into that music. But I'm tired of what if's.

Now here I am, aimless with everything. I've become the laziest I've ever been. And even though I thought that I owe it to myself to be so apathetic, it really didn't ration out. All it did was make me weak.

I made an appointment for counseling for Monday. I don't really know why, I sort of did it on impulse. But I really think I need it. Just to get some guidance from someone other than myself. I mean, normally I would try to work out my own problems, but it's too risky for me to do that anymore. It's not like playing a video game so that when I screw up I can just reset to the beginning.

What I need to try to do, though, is teaching myself how to write music. Not just to sit down and record a piece, but really to get a pen and staff paper and write the music out note for note. And I can't worry about the notes lining up exactly and details like that. I just need to learn how to write music efficiently. I can always clean the kinks out later.

If I get really fast at notating good music, then I've got half the battle beat for becoming the film composer I've always wanted to be. I'm sure James Horner doesn't just sit at the piano all day coming up with themes. He even claims that he turns to pen and paper when composing music. I need to train myself to become that advanced in composing music.

Even if I don't compose for film, I could still make a career out of recording. Like Enya or Enigma or Yanni. (Of course, I will try to avoid scandals...)

As for now, I'm done with my self-disclosure. Until next time....

Today's story...

2006-03-17T16:54:00.000-05:00

First of all, I stayed up all night last night. I told Beth I wouldn't, but once I stopped playing Pilot Wings, Bloodsport was on AMC. So I stayed up till 4:00 watching that. Then I got on my computer and worked on a new layout for my weblog (which I had saved at one point, but then lost it today because I pasted my Zelda layout over it and saved it by accident.)

Anyhoo, I got my schedule change form signed by my instructor and turned it in. I went to the library to work on my speech outline, but walked out of the building as quick as I walked in. I just didn't feel like doing real research and decided to bullshit my way through it at my dorm.

I took an hour nap, and I was awakened by a phone call from Jesse. Of course, I did want to chat with him, but I must still been at stage four in my sleep because I fell asleep while he was talking to me! It was really weird! I didn't even know I was sleeping. I heard him talking, then next thing I know my phone's beeping. It was like being hypnotized (or at least, what I've heard being hypnotized is like.)

I will call him back soon to catch up on what he was telling me. I felt horrible!

Then I finished my outline half-assed and walked to class with Kristen. I haven't really talked to her too much since I've known her, but she's very easy to make conversation with. She gave me some good advice today. To stop focusing on the little things right in front of me and to focus more on things ten feet ahead of me. And you know, that's good point. I think I worry about too much about little things and things that are further than my eye can see... I just need to focus on things more important than details and that are in my plain of view.

I'm listening to Enigma. I haven't listened to them in a long time, but it's always good to take a break. That way you can rediscover that original fire that burned when your first listen to good music.

And by the way, Happy St. Patrick's Day! I am not wearing green today. I am above the influence of my peers... hahaha!

Pac-Man...

2006-03-17T13:19:00.000-05:00

This just needs the publicity!

Remember that movie I told you about...?

2006-03-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

You know, that independent film based on the Legend of Zelda?
Well...

... CHECK. THIS. OUT!!!!!!!

Sigh of relief...

2006-03-16T23:08:00.000-05:00

So my instructor has to decided to help me out tomorrow by showing up at her office. There is a god!

Today was kind of depressing. But it's good to have a guy like Luke around just to hang with. We watched Castle in the Sky tonight, which was amazing, as should be expected from Mr. Miyazaki. Let me find a couple nice screenshots:

After that, we watched the two first episodes of Cowboy Bebop, which I am quickly getting partial to. Spike Spiegel is just cool as fuck!
<<< Spike Spiegel, the nonchalant, charismatic protagonist... Chicks love him, dudes wanna be him... and he's a futuristic bounty hunter! What more could you ask for?

Well, I have a long day tomorrow because I slacked off today, so I'm out.

Damnit...

2006-03-16T15:37:00.000-05:00

I e-mailed my education instructor today to see if we could appoint a time tomorrow for her to sign my schedule change form. Of course, as my life usually goes, I don't check to see if she replied until about 2:50, and she said that tomorrow won't work because her mother-in-law died, and that she will be in her office till no later than 3:00.

So I tried calling her office real quick... No answer. Then I sprinted clear across campus and arrived at her office at 3:03. She was gone.

Depressed, depressed, depressed. What the fuck. I think the world was designed to make me have such bad luck. I need a miracle. If I can't drop this course, my GPA is shot. Then my enitre college career is a waste.

I worry about the future too much. And I spend too much time on the damn computer. I hope things work out. I'm tired of chancing everything that comes my way.

On the lighter side, my math class was canceled. Thank God. I'd hate to have to go all the back across campus one more time in this freezing-ass weather.

I think I'm going to relax a bit now.

Trying to get organized...

2006-03-15T22:08:00.000-05:00

So I think it's time for me to actually start focusing on getting my life organized. I hate to do that, but I think I need it. I talked to my mom earlier tonight about my decision to change my major. I told her that I'm still a little up in the air, but that I'm going to try do something with art or writing or sociology and minor in recording tech. She didn't seem too ecstatic about it, but I think she just worries about what kind of job I can get with a degree in such fields.

At the same rate, I am just happy to be out of the education department. Deep down inside, I know I would never make a good teacher.

So anyways, I just wanna get down to the basics of keeping myself from going entirely insane. Perhaps if I can get a good, regular sleeping schedule going and start working out and eating three meals a day, I might be little less depressed about things. So I'll work on those areas for the next few days.

Tonight I watched another Miyazaki movie with Luke. Nausicaä. A little different than most of his other features, but it still has great storytelling. It's a little sci-fi, and the soundtrack wasn't very consistent in style. But it's an 80's Jap film, so a super-duper score isn't to be guaranteed. However, there was a mute character, an old woman, and flying involved ;) and a plethora of creative concepts.

As for now, I think I will prepare myself for a conversation with Beth and then sleep. Tomorrow I have to do research over how the world was moonshot in the late 60's. Ugh...

The way it is...

2006-03-15T12:50:00.000-05:00

I can't help but to overhear my roommate talk to his sister on the phone. It sounds like he's under lots of stress for the same reasons I usually am. The whole "what am I going to do with my future" thing. He's pop culture major, and I'm trying to get a degree in some kind of art or writing. The thing is with our majors, people will always expect us to be poor and starving in the real world. And for the most part, they're right.

Last night I got scared thinking about what lies in my future. I mean, I got freaked about how I am going to make a living doing what I love. It seems to me that if you wanna do what you love as work, the sacrifice is money. Of course, that property has been defied by people like James Horner and Steven Spielberg and Hayao Miyazaki.

But really, it all comes down to focusing on my work, finding a purpose for it, and making it sellable. I really hope I can make things happen and not starve my family for it...

Tuesday's gone...

2006-03-15T00:32:00.000-05:00

So, I just got in. I hung out with Luke again tonight. He got another Miyazaki movie, My Neighbor, Totoro. It was pretty sweet. It had all the Miyazaki elements: wooded environments, an old lady, a mute character, lots of water... but best of all -- A cat-bus!

Hahaha! Hellz yeah!

My day was rather slow today. I pretty much just worked on getting Beth's blog designed. I made an OC theme, but I will continue working on more themes for the future. Right now I'm liking my Zelda theme, but I'd like to design a Miyazaki theme, maybe a music theme, and whatever else comes to mind.

After hanging out with Luke, I played piano for about 3 hours. I just played everything I knew. I had a couple people listening while they did their homework, so I figured I'd continue till I grew tired of it.

I don't think I should play any music tomorrow, because I'd like to save some creative gas for Thursday. Luke and I are starting on ideas for projects on Thursday, and I don't want to be drained by then.

As for now, sleep awaits, as does tomorrow. I get to drop my music for middle childhood class. I don't mind though. It was a pretty elementary class for a subject of which I have an extended knowledge.

Making a detour...

2006-03-14T13:59:00.000-05:00

I just got back from meeting with my advisor. Good news: I'm NOT majoring in education anymore! Yay! I think I'm actually going to look into majoring in either art or some kind of creative writing and minor in recording technology. I'm really looking forward to the change! It sucks going to school to do something you're not so passionate about. And I think that's why I've been so depressed lately. I'm just not made out to be a teacher.

Soo kudos, kudos, and more kudos to me! And haha! The shitters are open today! Thank God! My hygiene can have some attention once again!

What an awesome Tuesday! But it'll probably only get worse as the day goes on (I say that to avoid jinxing anything...)

Cheers!

New Zelda Look...

2006-03-14T05:06:00.000-05:00

Well, Beth will be upset with me! hehehe! I gotta get some rest here in a bit, but I can write a bit before I hit it off.

Yesterday was great. The weather was nice, I got some skateboarding in, and I chilled with Luke. Of course, the temperature dropped as the wonderful BG winds entered the region. I hate cold weather. I think it's the reason why I get so depressed. I mean, I was in great mood all day yesterday! But I know that once I step outside today to go to class, I'll get pissed.

And it wouldn't be so bad, but once I got back home from Luke's, I planned on taking my shower. But as I got closer to the bathroom door, I noticed a big sign covering the keypad lock that said "Bathroom out of order!"

What the fuck! I asked Rikki about it and he said maintenance closed it up in order to teach the fags that keep clogging the toilets a lesson.

I understand why they would go about such a punishment, but I'd really like to take a fucking shower! C'mon people!

Okay, time to go to bed. Hope you all like the new look!

A new lil diddy...

2006-03-13T08:03:00.000-05:00

So I stayed up all night and recorded another piece. Of course, during the recording, my soundcard was fucking up, so cracks and chirps are heard in parts of the second half. But I'm not out to make this recording a number one best-seller, I just had a new theme come on to me.

I have not yet titled this piece, but I think I am going to save it for a character in one of mine and Luke's stories that we've yet to come up with. So for now, I am code-naming the piece "Character 1." Feel free to download the piece from my MySpace account and my Purevolume account!

Let me know what you all think!

Let's begin, shall we...

2006-03-13T02:08:00.000-05:00

So I am all about change now. I am no longer going to type one sentence per line. And I am thinking about changing my major to something I actually want to do rather than teaching. Time to catch up...

Okay, so Beth got me all hooked on the OC. Which is a great show and I'm happy to have gotten hooked. Seth Cohen is fucking hilarious. Makes a great role model. So I bought a skateboard on impulse Sunday night. Should be fun to learn.

Tonight, I hung out once again with my good buddy Luke, and we watched another masterpiece by the Great Hayao Miyazaki called Howl's Moving Castle. Fucking amazing in every dynamic that animated features have to offer. Here's a badass screenshot...

Yes, it's about a castle that walks! Isn't that the most genuwine idea for a story?!

So, there are still three more features Luke and I have yet to view together of Miyazaki's mastery. Nothing like some good inspiration for a creative duo that Luke and I plan to upkeep...

So far, it feels refreshing to be back at la escuela de BG. I got a cool new skateboard. Luke and I are soon going to get our project kicked off to a start. I'm looking forward to changing my major and perhaps an extra year at college. Things with Beth and I are going smoothly. Spring is right around the bend.... everything is generally great (knock on wood!)

But I ain't gonna leave you all empty-handed... Check out this awesome vid I discovered on YouTube! (Oh! I love YouTube!)

A couple sketches...

2006-03-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

So I've been trying to get back into my hobby of drawing.
It's been a while, but I thought I'd post up a couple sketches I made, one last fall of myself.
The other is of Beth, which I did just a couple days ago while she was sick with the flu.
Here they are:

Took me like 3 hours to finish the shading on her upper lip....
Haha.
Napoleon Dynamite!

Just a quickie...

2006-03-03T15:34:00.000-05:00

First of all, if have not yet seen my movie "Into the West," please scroll down to the previous entry in order to view it.
The ending is the best part ;)

Also, this morning I found even a little more time on my hands to make my first stop-animation.
I used nothing but Paint and Windows Movie Maker.
Of course the music is mine!
It's a really really short clip!
But hey, it's my first time!

Into the west...

2006-03-03T04:20:00.000-05:00

So tonight I finally got to see the ending to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Great film.
Great story.
Yet Luke and I both agree that even though Jim Carrey delivered great acting in this movie, the character was screaming for Bill Murray's expertise ;)

I also watched Princess Mononoke, which is yet another awesome anime by Hayao Miyazaki.
I never really got into anime before I knew Luke, but now I think I am finding a serious interest in it.
It's always good to exercise an open mind by trying new things.

Tomorrow, I return home for spring break.
Luke was kind enough to offer me a ride halfway there and Beth and her mom, Lori, will bring me the rest of the way.
I really need a car.
But first, I need a bigger, more advanced synthesizer.
I love making music.

I also love making short slideshow movies.
Here is one I made tonight.
It is a show of my trip to the west last summer.
Featuring my newest piece, Rise of the Sun, as the underlying score ;)
Unfortunately, YouTube only uploaded the audio in mono, not stereo.
But hopefully, you will all get to experience the general effect.
Ebert and Roeper gave this film THREE thumbs up!

Oh wait, one of those thumbs was a wart.
And now, your feature presentation....

Just two bits...

2006-03-02T00:31:00.000-05:00

Wow, so last night's entry was rather depressing.
Good thing I feel 110% better today.

First off, I'd like to apologize to Beth, for not being honest with her about my keeping of this blog. But, she's such a forigiving spirit and puts up with a lot of my shit, so I know she still loves me.

Secondly, I will be posting a link to my good buddy Luke's blog, as he and I will be collaborative partners with stories, music and art, so I figure the linkage would probably be a good idea.
We're pretty much on the same level when it comes to everything, so check it out.

A silent melody...

2006-03-01T03:10:00.000-05:00

Ever wake up in the middle of the night and just wondered: What the hell am I doing here?
Well, that's how I feel all the time.
But somewhere beyond my mind and beyond this world, there is a place where sleep never ends.
And in that place is where I belong.

I am 20 years old.
And all that I am, feels dead already.
My life consists of the music I make,
the lies I tell,
and the dreams I dream.
And my mind will always be restless.
My heart will always be sore.
My soul will never be convinced of its own existence.
Not until it all comes to an end.
Not until there is no more I can do about it.

I cannot stop the world from revolving.
I cannot survive doing what I love.
If it were entirely up to me, I would not allow myself to breathe another second.
But that would be unethical in our system.
And I allow myself to be part of that system.

Right at this hour, there is a child who has the same dreams as my own, the same spirit, the same gift of music...
But he lives in a 3rd world culture.
He cannot allow himself to learn the purpose of the keys on the piano.
He cannot envision his next orchestral composition.
All he wants is something to eat and some more comforting shoes.
He's so poor, he doesn't even know the gift he carries.
He wakes up every morning and whistles an original melody while he gathers dirty water from a creek.
And that whistling melody is not appreciated by anyone.
It is not recorded and shared with the rest of the world on MySpace.
It is kept to himself.

Yet, I'm pissed because I know I will never make it as a composer.
I'm pissed because my GPA is low because I am attending college to do a job I have no desire of doing.
All I'm appreciative of is the free shortstack I got to eat at Ihop this morning.

And there is a boy on the other side, who will die tomorrow, whistling the same tune I just made up on the piano today.
The same exact melody.
But he didn't get his short stack.
And tomorrow, he will die because he has no food.
And his song dies with him.

How lucky he is.
Uncorrupted by all the superficial nonsense I deal with every day.
I worry about how well I will do on my astronomy exam tomorrow.
He worries that tomorrow night, he won't even get to see the stars.
I worry that I will be stuck in the same damn place all my life.
He worries that tomorrow might be the last time he'll get to drink out of the piss-infested creek with his friends.

Our worlds are two completely opposite places.
But we both have the same song stuck in our head.
And the sickest part is,
tomorrow I will not have changed.

Ever have those days...

2006-02-27T00:25:00.000-05:00

I feel upset and confused and hurt right now.
I talked to Beth on the phone tonight.
Supposedly, one who I try to consider a friend always seems to find a way to stir things up with his omniscience.
Why do I trust people?
Especially people who don't deserve it?
That is my own problem.

Back in Coldwater, there are people who know things about me that I should feel ashamed of.
In some way, I do.
Mostly, however, I just don't care.
They will all be stuck in the junior high psyche forever.
I am willing to move on.

However, internally, I feel ashamed of a lot.
I am the most selfish person I know.
And all this torment I get from people who have betrayed me... well, I probably deserve it.
Most people in my situation would say "well, it's none of their business."
But I can't say that.
I allow it to be those persons' business.

Okay, now I just sound all confusing.
I would go back and erase all that text.
But no.
I'd rather continue moving foward.
Because the present and future is all I have left.

Waiting for the Twilight...

2006-02-26T17:43:00.000-05:00

So it turns out that Nintendo has delayed Twilight Princess' release until July.
I can't say I blame them.
Perhaps they're still filling in glitches.
Or maybe they want to release it closer to the fall because PS3 will be on the shelves near that time.
I think I will always take Nintendo over PlayStation.
Not that Sony doesn't come out with awesome games.
But Nintendo is in my roots.

So I slept in till 5:00 again.
I will have to force myself to sleep tonight.
I can't miss another class.
And I have to fix my problem with my education class.
I will believe in a god if I have to.

Geez, I'm so selfish.

Haha.
I just laughed out loud.
Tyler probably thinks I'm going insane.
Oh well.

Themes...

2006-02-25T20:06:00.000-05:00

I watched the first disc of the second season of the O.C. early this morning.
It's surprisingly a great show.
Of course, it won't be long before the original cast members will find bigger and better things and they'll have to introduce new characters.
But I'm happy to have discovered how good the show is now.

Tonight I'm suppose to have practice with our cover band.
I'm not in the mood though.
I'm not that good of a guitarist.
And I just sort of wanna do my own thing.

I also wanted to post up to "themes" from the movies we watched last night.

"I didn't even know what floor my room was on. I could've have been 52 stories high. But I knew that even if I escaped just to fall to my death, at I least I would have escaped..."

"Troy wanted to be in a rock band. But he didn't think he was that good of a guitarist. He had a crush on a girl since he was 13... and he never talked to her. He was my best friend... My only friend..."

Chumscrubbing Old Boys...

2006-02-25T02:28:00.000-05:00

Tonight, Luke and I had our weekly gathering of Bob Evans and some movies.
Tonight's features were Old Boy and The Chumscrubber.
Old Boy is a Korean film with a Quentin Tarantino style to it.
It was exciting, clever, and bizarre all in one sha-bang.
It had a nice twist too, as most films of that genre do.

The Chumscrubber is a film I've been wanting to see for a few months now.
Mainly because James Horner scored it.
But also because I have a fetish for suburban type movies.
You know, films like American Beauty, Life as a House and Edward Scissorhands.
The Chumscrubber is, in the simplest terms, bizarre.
But in a rather good way.
Much of it seemed farfetched, but I was willing to but into it.
The score was haunting.
James Horner hasn't scored like this in a long while.
I heard some "flashback" orchestration that resembled some parts in Field of Dreams.
I was excited to hear that kind of music from my idol.
That's the James Horner music I remember falling in love with.

So far, I've been getting some good responses to my new song, "Rise Of The Sun."
Beth seemed to find the piece enjoyable.
And I was surprised to hear how much Luke enjoyed it.
I also got a comments from some MySpace friends.
If you are reading this and have not yet heard my new recording, please see my MySpace link in my sidebar.

Rising of the Sun...

2006-02-24T08:42:00.000-05:00

I stayed up all night last night, my mind meandering over life in general.
I figured that it's been a while since I last finished a recording, so I made it a goal to at least make one recording out of thin air before I got any sleep.
Be sure to download and listen to it at my MySpace.
It's titled "Rising Of The Sun."
The entire piece is very simple.
There isn't much direction and it only contains two voices, synthesized strings and my own vocals.
DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING POPULAR!!!!!
This piece was entirely improvised and briefly edited.
My guess is that most of you will probably listen to the first minute, if that, and no more.
I'm trying to develop a style that isn't touched upon too much.
This new piece is organic in every way.
Please, don't try to spend hours deciphering what I was feeling when I recorded it an hour ago. It's 8:40 in the morning and I think whatever I was trying to convey was something way out of this world.
Thanks for listening!

A big, stupid journey...

2006-02-24T04:43:00.000-05:00

If life is a journey, I feel like I am in the middle of the desert.
I hope I get out of it soon, but I may never because I am not sticking to one direction.
I may keep circling this desert until I am 90 years old.
And I'll never know where I could have gone.
Ever.

I wonder if I stay in one direction, and never look back on the other options I had, how would I know that I wouldn't like where I ended up going that direction?
What if it brings me to the sea when I want to see the mountains?
What if it's just more desert?
Maybe no matter which direction I go, I'll end up right back where I started.
And I won't get back until I realize that I took the wrong path.

Or perhaps I should look at this vile desert as my home.
Because I am sure that no matter which direction I lead, I will wish that I was back at this desert.
I will wish that I would've taken more time to decided the direction I wanted to lead.

However, how do I know that if I don't follow through with a direction right now I might only make things more miserable for myself?
What if I were to just pick a direction now and say, Well, it's a good thing I chose to leave as soon as I did?

I'll never know until I make the choice either to leave this place or die slowly of it's tenacious heat and dehydration.

I am almost halfway through my college years.
And I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with what I am doing with my life.

If you read this...

2006-02-22T06:18:00.000-05:00

Statistics claim that the average person sleep 1/3 of his or her lifetime.
So, my question is:
Does an abundance of sleep result in longevity?

But who cares.
Maybe I'm not the average person.

I made an attempt to record an improvised piece tonight.
My PC will not tolerate it though.
Something must be eating up my RAM.
Oh well.
I need new equipment up the bazurko anyways.
Some day, I will have my own private, sophistocated studio.
With a computer that is more advanced than my pile of shit.
But at least I have a computer.
Most people in this world aren't that lucky.

It's 6:25 in the morning.
And I am thinking to myself: What the hell am I going to do today that will make it extraordinary.
I am concerned about this because I have been so careless lately.
Careless about school.
Careless about people.
Careless about everything.
I keep thinking that in 5 years, someone is going to ask me how I've become so successful.
And they're going to want to know where I started.

I fear that I won't be able to tell them.
I mean, if I had told them anything, it'd probably sound very cliche.
Something like "I was lost" or "I was depressed."
We've all heard success stories like that.
But how do I know that that is what I am really experiencing?

I guess it doesn't matter now.
And I suppose that when I am successful, I will know what to say.

Small adjustments...

2006-02-21T03:51:00.000-05:00

I listened to some MySpace music tonight.
It made me think.
I haven't really finished a recording in a long time.

Tonight was weird though.
But only due to the lack of sleep and food.
I was feeling depressed again.
But continuously sang in the back of my head to stop taking things so seriously.
Depression is weird though.
It occurs so automatically.
I think I will be depressed all my life.
The trick is learning how to ignore by distracting yourself with more appealing things.

I think I should hang out more with people who are more like myself.
Luke would probably a good best bud for around here.
His mind is as open as my own.
He's the kind of guy that is willing to speak his mind.
There have been a couple times when we ran into each other, but only to just say hi for a few minutes.
Next time that happens, we should just shoot some pool or talk.
I need that kind of friendship to take part in up here at BG.

Breanna has also been helping me with my personal issues.
I'm so happy that I met her.
It might be sad for some people to think that I have made such a great friend by means of the Internet.
But Breanna's not just some kind of Internet-obsessive freak like most people tend to stereotype online chatters.
She's a human being.
Just like me.
And she understands me like no one has ever before.
So fuck people who think I'm shallow for befriending her via a chatroom.

I must sleep now.
I gotta make some small adjustments to my routine.
It's part of my new plan....

Food for thought...

2006-02-20T05:48:00.000-05:00

I am so nocturnal.
Always up in the wee hours of the night.
It's better on the dark side of the planet.
When most of this crazy nation is dormant.
It's amazing to think of all the cycles that occur in this universe.
Everything has a pattern.

It's kind of upsetting, though, with how much we know about our universe.
A lot of mysteries seem to have been explained.
Sure, there are a kazillion more mysteries.
But things seem less magical now than what they did hundreds of years ago.
But we're human.
We thrive to have an explanation for everything.
We can't just find beauty in the way things are.
We have to break them down and digest them with our minds.

What if the ultimate universal explanation of our existence doesn't really exist though?

Or maybe that's what God wants us to believe.
Because as long as we can't explain things, we will always put our faith in God.
And in return for our faith to God, it returns the deed with the gift we all share.
Blind hope.

"The more I discovered about the universe... The more I believed in the existence of a higher power." -Albert Einstein

Cooler than shit on a stick...

2006-02-19T10:48:00.000-05:00

Wow.
I am becoming Zelda-crazed once again.
Supposedly, a small, independent film company (BMB Finishes) are two years into the production of The Legend of Zelda: The Hero of Time.
Man, oh, man, am I excited for this!
I'm actually kind of happy that this film will be heavily underground.
For all you Zelda fans who would like to know more about this movie, click here!
And if you notice at the bottom of the page, they are still in need for help with post-production.
How I would absolutely be thrilled to score this film!
But I have neither the money nor the proper resources to orchestrate such music.
I will be disappointed when the musician they do hire makes music that is shittier than I can compose.

Also, take a look at this trailer for Twilight Princess, which will hopefully be available in stores by mark of next month....

Zelda Feedback...

2006-02-18T19:05:00.000-05:00

I got some feedback today for some msuic I recorded a while back.
It was two themes from Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
Zelda's Lullaby and Song of Time.
The feedback was from some girl named Angelica in Austrailia.
She's almost 16 and has a cat named Taichi who just had kittens.
She seems to be hyper.
Her feedback was positive.

You can see my publishings of these mp3's at The Legends and Adventure Music Page.
You can listen to the recordings right here if you want though.
Zelda's Lullaby
Song of Time
Enjoy!

Bill Murray and the Aristocrats...

2006-02-18T04:53:00.000-05:00

Tonight, Luke and I watched two Bill Murray movies.
Broken Flowers and Lost In Translation.
Both very slow-paced movies.
Both of the same tone and style.
Both very deep and artistic in a way.
I was amazed.

The other movie we watched was called The Aristocrats.
Basically, it's a joke phenomenon that was started by a couple big comedians in the 70s.
The idea is for the comic to improvise the dirtiest joke of all time.
Sexual references, racial slanders, incest are all involved... but not limited to.
It was hilarious.
My kind of humor.
I could really make it a very offensive joke though, and would probably lose a lot of friends who didn't really know me or the story behind the Aristocrats.

But maybe I'll come up with something for this blog... hehehe.

And the clouds break apart...

2006-02-17T15:59:00.000-05:00

So I'm lying in bed today, stressing out over everything that my future beholds for me.
I got scared, as usual, about pretty much everything.
Being unsuccessful.
Never get out of debt.
Never having my dreams come true.

I even thought about it analytically.
I thought about how people like me never really do what they want until they finally die.
I thought about why people tend to make me feel inferior to them.
I thought about why I am so misunderstood.
I thought about how all this thinking was probably the reason I've been so sick lately.

Then, the most wonderful thing happened.
I discovered the truth behind all of it.
I found out that I can really lead a really happy life.
The answer was right in front of me the entire fucking time too.

I said to myself:
"Jeremy.... You take yourself way too fucking seriously."
And then things started to finally making sense.
Everything.
I now know why I couldn't get up to give a speech about myself in communications class.
I now know why nobody understands me.
I now know why I misundertood myself all this time.

I have been taking me and my life way too seriously.
And I haven't been telling the people I meet not to take me so seriously.
I mean, Breanna was probably the first person I could actually come out and tell not to take me seriously.
Because she makes me feel so comfortable with myself.

So from now on, whenever I get depressed, I just need to realize that I'm not being goofy enough.
And I need people to know that I am not a serious person as soon as they meet me.
Because if they understood that I'm not serious in the first place, they will understand that all the offensive shit I say is just for shits and giggles.

I'm so fucking happy that I finally came to this realization.
Dingle-hopper!