Munday...

I had a dream this morning about my dead grandpa. He was alive again, and my family was gathered all together at a typical holiday party at my grandparent's old house (which used to be a schoolhouse near the small town of Maria Stein, Ohio.) I did not want to wake up from the dream. But then it came down to having to force myself to get up to go to class. I was a little late today, but it was worth the extra time with my grandpa, had it been only even a mental projection of him....

(If you wish to read the following section, you can... but it's just a lot of ramblings, so I guess you could skip down to the next section if you don't feel like wasting time...)

[Anyways, today in IPC we basically just brainstormed ideas for our final speech topics for a persuasive speech. Well first we eliminated any kind of speech topics we didn't want to hear about, so this cancelled out all those overrated topics like abortion, drinking age and capital punishment.

Then we did an activity as a class where we had to divide a piece of paper into four sections, each with a different purpose: Personal beliefs, social beliefs, emotions, and values. For each category, our instructor had us write down answers to questions related to those categories. Well, this activity just made me realize that I have no specific personal or social beliefs. I am also blind of the things that cause my emotions, and my values revolve around music, movies, and video games.

This activity kind of scared me. I mean, I never really thought about it before, but I really don't have a really cool personality. We had to answer a question about what really ticks us off, and I had no idea how to answer that. Then we had to answer what we do to make us happy, and the only things I could come up with that was writing, playing piano and having sex.

I think I'm starting to lack substance again. I heard from someone I look up to that balance is the key to success. You have to spend a little time doing a mix of things you like doing and hate doing. Mark Twain also once advised that you do at least one thing you don't want to do every day, that way it won't be so painful to do out duties.

I think a lot of the knowledge I have retained over the past 20 years of my life originated from movies and the Internet. And of course school. Sometimes I feel like maybe I wasted too much of my time holding myself back from making mistakes or taking risks. I use to think that I was more mature than many of my peers, and in many ways I am. But I feel like I lack something that a lot of other people my age have.

And maybe I lack in that something as a result of my rapid maturity. That's probably why lately I've been trying to slow my mature-rate down by acting obnoxious and retarded sometimes.]

Damn I write a lot of bullshit.

Anywho... yesterday I worked my butt off with Spencer and Alex, painting their gamers lounge. It was fun, but I am so damn quiet sometimes. Those guys can just talk and talk and I feel like that I don't really venture enough in this world to have a talk about many things.

I wish I could be more talkative. Not loquacious, but just enough to have an interesting conversation. I think if I could have a good conversation with people, it wouldn't be so hard for me to establish some more friendships.

Of course, I think a lot of what I have to say will only make people think that I am out there. I'm too random and abstract that people would just be like: "WTF?" That's why most of my jokes tend to be dry. I have this scenario constantly going on in my head and when I think of something funny to say, people just can't relate to it, thus, can't understand why what I said was funny.

However, when you're that guy who just doesn't talk in a social situation, people are just weirded out by you altogether. I think the reason why I'm so quiet is because of a quote Abe Lincoln coined: "Better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."

Well, Abe, sometimes it just might be beneficial to be a little foolish....